One very popular saying among friends, lovers, and groups of people with dwindling relationships is: Familiarity breeds contempt. A core attribute of a relationship, which we humans, due to our imperfection, fail to uphold at all times, is ENDURANCE. Love, defined in my words, is a Life Of Valued Endurance. We can never spell LOVE without ENDURANCE. God, The institutor, and the one who saw it not good for man to be alone and has hence provided a comforter, is ready to endure the pain of our transgressions and accept us back anytime we go wrong, not because we do not offend Him that much, but because in life mistakes are bound to happen, and the greatest of all wisdom lies in the forgiveness and acceptance of someone’s iniquities.
Why, at all, do I talk about offence and forgiveness when the issue at hand is familiarity? It is unarguable that familiarity sprouts its ugly head by a sparkle of an unforgiving sin. Better put, a sin that is becoming hard to forgive and forget is the speed dialler of familiarity in a relationship. Though every relationship is bound to face the wind of familiarity in one way or the other even without cause, it is the one with cause that breeds contempt. Do you know that love is the only thing that makes obedience lighter than sacrifice?
To what extent does familiarity breed contempt? To the extent of not exchanging glances, nods, greetings, or even the extent of no longer being friends as used to? A perplexed friend said, “I love my girlfriend so much, and I am beginning to imagine the day when this love we are enjoying is going to permit me to raise my filthy hands on her or tell her how foolish she was for feeling that I was going to love her forever, without thinking that the more we get closer in time, the familiar, and the farter we become in love. We get closer in time, and are bound to disregard each other in the same time, in love: Is that familiarity breeds contempt? If that is it, then I don’t think I will fall a prey to familiarity in my relationship. “
I think Ama is right to say, “Familiarity breeds contempt is when the things you once valued turn valueless, such that you overlook them and do as you please with them. For instance, love birds promised themselves not to have sex until after marriage, but as they get familiar with each other in time, they overlook the sacred promise they uphold and go on to break it by having sex since ‘no sex till after marriage’ has lost its value before their eyes. It is familiarity that will make a man raise his hands on his wife.”
Where we all go wrong in issues of love when we are at a low ebb is the refusal to look unto the institutor of this whole thing, that some claim is fallacy. The trying days will definitely come, but how do you confront it? Do you yield unto it, or you fight it with all your might? It is absolutely amazing how God in His wisdom saw how it would help a man to be together in love with a special someone, and man in his folly is trying hard to block all roads leading to this happiness in togetherness. A very very sad and unfortunate event is witnessing a quarrel or scuffle between people who were once love doves. The kind of words they use on each other without thinking of the spiritual and psychological implications they were going to have on themselves is simply stunning. Raining curses upon curses on each other all because they have allowed the devil to use them at the time the love they have is at a low ebb. They suddenly forget that they were people who once enjoyed the most intimate of moments, having the most erotic pats and gestures ever. It seriously feels like to cry when people forgo and undermine the endurance in love.
Where is the love? That vultures will be circling the air when lovers are going to meet? That the holiest of moments between lovers will turn a stranglehold? This can’t certainly be part of God’s plan. Love is, no doubt, an amazingly complex thing. At one point your feelings confirm that you love him/her, at another point too you do not feel the love you have for him/her. It is, however, dangerous to base your love for someone on how you feel. Feelings do not last forever, and that is why you cannot trust your feelings. Get a better reason to love someone so that when a low ebb comes you would be unshakeable. Let your inner man be the witness to your love for someone and your heart always confirming that you love that person for no other condition or reason – Save love. You just love him/her and have decided to love him/her come what may… as long as God permits. Never get used to your loved ones, always hold them down in high esteem forever.