TO DO OR NOT TO DO?

BED NOW AND WED LATER? NO!

“We have been together for quite a while as bf and gf. You know deep down that you are the one am planning to marry. But, I don’t know if I am the one on your marriage mind, unless you prove it. Sweetheart, come to my bed now, and as you already know marriage bells will toll later.”

“I don’t believe much of what you said, but I think it’s reasonable. As a proof of my love, I will do as you’ve requested. You have shown your love by spending, not only your money, but time and energy on me.”

What is love without waiting (patience)?

Do not be deceived to believe that offering yourself to him/her for sex proves your love for her/him. What you would be doing by indulging in premarital sex is actually trading your hard earned value (virginity) to a five minute fun for nothing at all.

Bedding now with the intention of wedding later does nothing than put the success of your relationship into the physical and mental realm of impossibility, because there would be nothing to anticipate any more. Rest assured that once the package is opened you are bound to take a bite of it with the least provocation (temptation), especially on a day like today -Valentine’s day.

Life isn’t a rush, and so is love. The one that truly loves waits irrespective of the circumstances. To bed now and wed later is that one mistake that puts the success of relationships in jeopardy. A Life of Valued Endurance (LOVE) isn’t tested on any bed – king-size, queen-size, student size, cradle, whatsoever.
It is however tested on these three things: CARE, KINDNESS, and PATIENCE.

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CARE manifests itself in how gentle your needs, as well as that of others are attended to. Care has a lot to do with heartfelt gentleness; gentleness that comes natural, not one that is faked. Be warned, CARE isn’t CARESS, SMOOCH, KISS, or SEX. It is sensitivity to human needs and expression of a feeling of great concern as defined by the dictionary.

KINDNESS and Giving walk hand in hand. Love seeks to liberate through the hands of kindness. And it is an act of kind or charitable behavior. True love manifests itself in the dedication of a person’s energy, time, gifts, talents, etc to the well-being of another person. Kindness is a subset of LOVE: there isn’t LOVE without kindness. Not all kindness leads to the altar, some are just a show of good friendship, be mindful.

PATIENCE. And finally, as they say, LOVE suffers long. To wait and have in focus the beautiful reward of waiting. The encouragement to wed before bed is woven in the fabric of this virtue of LOVE. His being able to wait proves his love, likewise you. Being able to tolerate delay is Patience defined in simple terms. The bedding will definitely happen, but not until the wedding.

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All these three traits (expatriated above) come together to form sacrifice, and that is why a lot of people define love as sacrifice. Paraphrasing Ephesians 5:26, we understand that because Christ Jesus loved the church He gave Himself up for it, and so couples must replicate this kind of love.

When someone loves you truly; He is able to do whatever it takes to make you okay (CARE), he is able to give whatever it takes to set you free (KINDNESS), he is able to wait however long it takes to make you happy (PATIENCE).

If he/she refuses to see your love proven on these things, then she/he qualifies herself/herself for the exit. Do not wait a sec LONGER, pack him bag and baggage out!

Look for the above defined traits of LOVE and save yourself the pressure of bedding now and wedding later.

WED NOW AND BED LATER? YES!!!!

KNOWING YOUR TRUE FRIEND

A major thing affecting the happiness of a lot of people, even rendering some senseless, is the inability to tell how true the people they call their friends are. This is hugely because friends are made, a lot of times, to be cushions on which to lay troubled head at all times. But, rather unfortunate the people that occupy our lives whom we thought we could find that comfort and cushion in do not seem to have that goal and enough care. This post, in its entirety, seeks to assist you know who your true friends are.

I am sorry, but anyone in your life who is short of the under listed and explained qualities/ traits is bound to be thrown out through the emergency exit with immediate effect. Now, a true friend:

• Respects and Loves

A true friend loves, respects, shows empathy, and compassion to others too. Be watchful, a true friend shows love to others too. There is no love without respect. Respect occupies sixty and over percent of love. No matter how silly your opinions are, he tells you they are like noses, everyone has one and the bravest thing to do is to make them known. With this kind of person in your life how can you feel small, timid, and inferior? That is a true friend

• Supports and believes in you

If even the Bible says ask and it shall be given you, then the one who gives you what you need without you asking is the true friend we talk. He is one person whose support you don’t ask but he gives it you a hundred percent. He is a person that no matter how down you feel, he cares so much and will see to it that he/she helps you rise up quickly and brightly. A very thoughtful person. Let me tell you what it means to believe in you. Once you mention to this person an aspiration or undertaking, he tells you, “Wow, I am highly impressed. You can do it without failure.”

• Trustworthy and honest

A person whose trust you do not struggle to win, and very honest with his words, actions, and inactions is a true friend, no two ways about it. He is a person you can trust, not a ‘see black and call it yellow’ kind of person. He is very real. Under no circumstance would you see traits of pretense, because he is not a pretender. Fakers, liars, and cheaters do not belong here. They will park bag and baggage once they have achieved whatever they came into your life for. Know that without trust there is no reason to continue a relationship.

• Non-judgmental

A true friend is a non-judgmental person, he is a person who will never accuse you for you wrongs. Even your avoidable mistakes he tells you ‘to err is human’, and never blames you for it

• Forgives and apologizes

The one who acknowledges your diversities, and is quick to apologize for his wrong and forgive you of yours is a true friend. He does not hung on to past fights, pains, etc., but believes you both have capacity to be better next time. This is the person you need to hold on to because he has put away pride and ego for the sake of the success of your relationship.

• Accepts you for yourself

A true friend is the person that accepts you for whoever you are, will never by mistake tell you stuff like, ‘if you were this or that our friendship would be wonderfully marvelous and flamboyant.’ It is the one who accepts you that will laugh with you, cry with you, and dry your tears. He is always found filling your life with positive things. The one who calls you and tells you you are the best thing that ever happened to his life when as a matter of fact it is the other way round is the true friend you seek.

• Listens, keeps confidences, and never back bites

Anytime you request for his audience he is always there for you, regardless of his surrounding circumstances. Not a back talker, and by that I mean this person will never utter a foul word about you to anyone in your absence, and also he keeps your confidences with his life as though they were his. On no occasion will this person raise his/her voice on you. That is respect to its core.

 

Let me conclude on the note of this popular assertion that there are two kind of people: those who brighten a room when they enter, and those who brighten a room on their exit. It is with no iota of doubt that; a true friend is the former; a person you call a brother or sister but has no blood relation with you; and he is a treasure worth discovering and keeping. Tswa omanye aba!

WARMING UP FOR MARRIAGE

Dearly beloved, when you find that special person you would love to spend the rest of your life with, don’t just spend all the time enjoying each other’s company in dating. This is good and lovely but you also need to put down measures to build character as well as knowing God together. There are a lot to be done before wedding and marriage. So whatever thing that would be helpful in marriage should be looked at and built before you say “I do”. It is not just getting to know each other. Take time to build, in no particular order:
Character
Love
Trust
Understanding
Good communication
Plans for the future (finance, happy home etc)
Take time to know God more and invest time in prayer. Discover your purpose and remain faithful to it. Share your thoughts with one another, communicate frequently and let nothing stand between you two.
Each of you should remain committed to making the life of the other better, I mean add value to his life or her life constantly. Let all that you do be done in true sincerity, out of a genuine heart.
Love is beautiful! It is even more beautiful when love is carefully woven in Christ.
Make Christ the foundation of your relationship. Be more concerned in building a good friendship together. For when all the emotions, love, care, etc dies down, what will keep you going is a good friendship. A good friendship is the foundation of all relationship.
Do not leave the destiny of your relationship and marriage to chance. Take responsibility, create it! Consciously build on the solid foundation that has already been laid who is Christ.
It’s my prayer our marriages will be a model. God richly bless you.

Courtesy: Ameyaw Bernice

A TRUE FRIEND

The Concise Oxford English Dictionary makes me understand that a friend is a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations. Also, a popular Ghanaian adage – show me your friend and I will show you your character – defines a friend as a person through whom your character is developed and defined.

How true is that person you call a friend?

A true friend however, is the one who stands by you in all your times of affliction, trial, and difficulty embellishing them with words of encouragement, and implanting in you a ‘can do’ attitude. A true friend, also, is the one who sees the best in you, even when you see yourself worthless, and has as his/her primary goal in your life to bring out that best in you, irrespective of challenges. He is the one who will see you in trouble and never pass you by. As a matter of fact, he is that one person who is scouting for the bad things in and around you to purge out before they become known cankers. He who tells you, ‘You can walk’, ‘You can fly’, and ‘You are well able and capable’, when you have no legs, wings, and disabled, is the true friend I expound today.

A Christian’s true friend is Jesus, the Nazarene, and all His acts and declarations have been nothing but a confirmation of who He is in our life. Job’s wife was never close to being a true friend, I guess you know that already. The Bible presents to us true friend in the person of Jesus, much more. Consider where He found Peter and his brother Andrew and what they were doing when he called them to follow Him. They were fishing for fishes and He saw in them ‘fishers of men’. They died in the hands of the men they were fishing to bring us the Good News. Likewise James and John. (Matthew 4:18-22)

Remember when Jesus saw that sinful tax collector whose sins were weighing him down on the sycamore tree? He said, “Zacchaeus come down from the Sycamore tree for your house have I come to visit.” – Luke 19:1-10. That is the kind of friend – true – we have in Jesus. Somebody who would lay us to rest six feet below the surface of the earth with an assurance of resurrection. That is the perfect definition of a true friend. These are but a few instances from the Bible of Jesus being a true friend.

Ameyaw Bernice puts the icing on the cake by summarizing everything into a quote, and I quote: A true friend is the one who sees and brings out the best in you. Value them for they are diamonds that are hard to come by. So, I entreat you today to call Jesus into your life because He is the only true friend that we have, and to be wary of people who claim to be friends, but are interested in making your strengths weaknesses.

 

WHERE LIES THE LOVE?

One very popular saying among friends, lovers, and groups of people with dwindling relationships is: Familiarity breeds contempt. A core attribute of a relationship, which we humans, due to our imperfection, fail to uphold at all times, is ENDURANCE. Love, defined in my words, is a Life Of Valued Endurance. We can never spell LOVE without ENDURANCE. God, The institutor, and the one who saw it not good for man to be alone and has hence provided a comforter, is ready to endure the pain of our transgressions and accept us back anytime we go wrong, not because we do not offend Him that much, but because in life mistakes are bound to happen, and the greatest of all wisdom lies in the forgiveness and acceptance of someone’s iniquities.

Why, at all, do I talk about offence and forgiveness when the issue at hand is familiarity? It is unarguable that familiarity sprouts its ugly head by a sparkle of an unforgiving sin. Better put, a sin that is becoming hard to forgive and forget is the speed dialler of familiarity in a relationship. Though every relationship is bound to face the wind of familiarity in one way or the other even without cause, it is the one with cause that breeds contempt. Do you know that love is the only thing that makes obedience lighter than sacrifice?

To what extent does familiarity breed contempt? To the extent of not exchanging glances, nods, greetings, or even the extent of no longer being friends as used to? A perplexed friend said, “I love my girlfriend so much, and I am beginning to imagine the day when this love we are enjoying is going to permit me to raise my filthy hands on her or tell her how foolish she was for feeling that I was going to love her forever, without thinking that the more we get closer in time, the familiar, and the farter we become in love. We get closer in time, and are bound to disregard each other in the same time, in love: Is that familiarity breeds contempt? If that is it, then I don’t think I will fall a prey to familiarity in my relationship. “

I think Ama is right to say, “Familiarity breeds contempt is when the things you once valued turn valueless, such that you overlook them and do as you please with them. For instance, love birds promised themselves not to have sex until after marriage, but as they get familiar with each other in time,  they overlook the sacred promise they uphold and go on to break it by having sex since ‘no sex till after marriage’ has lost its value before their eyes. It is familiarity that will make a man raise his hands on his wife.”

Where we all go wrong in issues of love when we are at a low ebb is the refusal to look unto the institutor of this whole thing, that some claim is fallacy. The trying days will definitely come, but how do you confront it? Do you yield unto it, or you fight it with all your might? It is absolutely amazing how God in His wisdom saw how it would help a man to be together in love with a special someone, and man in his folly is trying hard to block all roads leading to this happiness in togetherness. A very very sad and unfortunate event is witnessing a quarrel or scuffle between people who were once love doves. The kind of words they use on each other without thinking of the spiritual and psychological implications they were going to have on themselves is simply stunning. Raining curses upon curses on each other all because they have allowed the devil to use them at the time the love they have is at a low ebb. They suddenly forget that they were people who once enjoyed the most intimate of moments, having the most erotic pats and gestures ever. It seriously feels like to cry when people forgo and undermine the endurance in love.

Where is the love? That vultures will be circling the air when lovers are going to meet? That the holiest of moments between lovers will turn a stranglehold? This can’t certainly be part of God’s plan. Love is, no doubt, an amazingly complex thing. At one point your feelings confirm that you love him/her, at another point too you do not feel the love you have for him/her. It is, however, dangerous to base your love for someone on how you feel. Feelings do not last forever, and that is why you cannot trust your feelings. Get a better reason to love someone so that when a low ebb comes you would be unshakeable. Let your inner man be the witness to your love for someone and your heart always confirming that you love that person for no other condition or reason – Save love. You just love him/her and have decided to love him/her come what may… as long as God permits. Never get used to your loved ones, always hold them down in high esteem forever.

DISCUSSION ABOUT DIVORCE AND MARRIAGE

(Mark 10:1-12)

Then Jesus left Capernaum and went down to the region of Judea and into the area east of the Jordan River. Once again crowds gathered around him, and as usual he was teaching them. Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?”

Jesus answered them with a question: “What did Moses say in the law about divorce?”

“Well, he permitted it,” they replied. “He said a man can give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away.”*

But Jesus responded, “He wrote this commandment only as a concession to your hard hearts. But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”

Later, when he was alone with his disciples in the house, they brought up the subject again. He told them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries someone else, she commits adultery.”

WAITING ON GOD IN MARRIAGE

Isaac and Rebekah had their first children twenty years after their marriage. (Genesis 25:20, 26). A lot of times do Christians forget what they proclaim and profess, and give in to the inevitable challenges in their marital lives. It is, however, believed by a Christian that out of dust God formed MAN, but it is becoming difficult to trust in this same God, who is the same yesterday today and forever, to provide children even when science is saying, ‘no!.’ I sometimes wonder the kind of Christians we are. Without faith in the One we serve.

Do we sit for a moment and ask ourselves why God did not start creation with MAN? He could have started with MAN, anyways, but He chose to end with MAN. Sharing my opinion, I think He did that because He wanted to make everything that the life of a man depends on before actually creating the man. This is just to let you know that his wisdom surpasses all human wisdom and understanding, and we may find our ways, almost always, not coinciding with His. I am in no way hinting that God is insensitive to our plights, but rather raising an alarm that He provides in His proposed time.

God will not create us in His own image, accept us every day at the foot of his throne with our praise and worship, and then turn His back on us and make us objects of jeer and mockery in our communities. No way! I pity those Christians who are losing their patience on God because they have been married for some time without children, and then end up saying things like, “I have been waiting on God for so long, but I now think what people say is actually true, ‘He is inexistent.’” God have mercy! My brother, my sister, if these are your words then I plead with you to seek for mercy now before the wrath of God is invoked on you. Reading my path guide, the Bible, makes me understand that four, five, six, or whatever years of marriage without a child is nothing.

Are you yet to compare your case with Sarah, a pillar of patience, and Rebekah? Quickly do that and let’s see if the Lord has truly forsaken you like you think. Let us all crave for patience in all aspects of our lives, for patience is a great fruit of the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit is the representative of God in us. So if you have God in you, you have patience. Erase the thoughts of seeking things, e.g. children, jobs, etc., from sources that are not Godly and look up to God always for everything. He is the provider of everything.

Those young men (Daniel and his friends), said in Egypt that even if He will not save us, we still will not bow to this god. I pray that we will come to the point of our lives where we are braced up for the worst, the point where the phrase “it is well with my soul” forever remain in our hearts.

A VIRTUOUS WIFE (Proverbs 31:11)

I would love to begin my exposition on the virtuous wife with a sincere message a guy sent to his lady, and it reads, “Let me know how it feels to be loved genuinely, how it feels to be cared for. This one thing I desire so much. Oh rest!” I talk of trust in a marriage relationship and/ or one leading to marriage

Bible teaches that husbands should love their wives just as Christ loves the church… (Ephesians 5:25). Love grows rapidly, beautifully, and bountifully in the field of TRUST. Trust for a person develops and grows over time as a result of the actions of the individual. If, with a single accord, we can say this is true, then we can say that love is love only in a person who has shown exhibits of trust. A husband who confidently trusts, relies on, and believes in his wife is all because her actions and behaviours create and enrich his trust in her. In such a home, love always blooms. Let me quickly point out that a virtuous wife is a trust-worthy person, and someone who is not secretive.

My dear ladies, if there is anything worth doing to gain the trust of our partners, then it is doing everything with the genuineness of heart, and concealing nothing from them. My husband deserves to feel loved, and so should yours – (Titus 2:4). Eventhough the Bible explicitly tells husbands to love their wives, I see that love to be a two way thing – a reciprocity, a hand-go hand-come affair, a give and take affair. It is like the see-saw, it takes two – the perfect two, two of opposite biological orientation, not two of opposite sexual preference.

I have always said that love is between a man and a woman who is receiving and reciprocating the love that the man shows. Like the Bible says ‘we love Him because He first loved us; here we responded to His love He has for us… (1 John 4:19) Halleluyah! For your man to trust in you, which will in turn cause him to love you greatly, be genuine and conceal nothing from him. For the two were naked and they were not ashamed (Gen 2:25). Let your actions, words, visions, thoughts, and everything be naked unto him.

Oh what beauty for a husband to lay his head upon his wife’s thighs or within her breasts, and his heart safely trusts her, that she will do him no evil but good all the days of his life.

Be the tent that can be trusted safely.

By: Ameyaw Bernice Ama

GIFT ME YOUR VIRGINITY

It is the number one wish of everyone to marry a virgin. A virgin? Oh yes! A person who has not been known sexually by the opposite sex is qualified to be referred by that word. The best gift to offer your spouse is your virginity. It is no doubt refreshing, as much as rewarding, to present yourself to your spouse unviolated to audibly announce your awareness and acknowledgement of the fact that your body is the temple of the Lord, and have hence accorded it the due respect and regard.

The self-loathe alone that comes with defiling the temple of the Lord, is even more suicidal than the sin being committed against your God, future husband/wife, family, friends, and your entire community at large. The fact that no society teaches promiscuity, premarital sex, and definitively no law favors them, buttresses the fact that virginity is a social plus to anyone who has it. But, if you are not lucky enough to receive this gift from your spouse, do not kick yourself over it. The Lord is in control and He knows well. After all, it lasts, at most, a week in the marriage.

The fact actually is virginity does not really make a girl/boy more desirable like his/her words and attitude. What it actually does is make him/her admirable and respectable. What I always say with so much pride to friends is, “If you do not talk about who you are, nobody will know you have a reason for being who you are.” If you are a hard-earned virgin, let the world hear your story. Virginity is not a sought after, or a requisite quality of a spouse, it rather comes as a bonus and those privileged to earn it always are the lucky and deserving. A requisite quality of a spouse must be kindness and not virginity, for virginity lasts in a day and kindness a lifetime. In simpler words, virginity can be taken from you, but kindness, never.

For you beautiful men and women out there, I know the pressure is wrestling you down to have a taste of the ‘thing’, but please I humbly plead with you to endure through the turbulent storms of temptation. Permission to end on the note of encouragement with a saying that, “an easy conquest is no victory.” You won’t be counted victorious if you had it easy. Just remain focused on the Lord and He will see you through. Before you wish to marry a virgin, you must be one yourself.

WHAT IS LOVE?

A lot of times, people come to me to elucidate what at all it meant to love, and to be loved. What at all is the meaning of that four-lettered word, LOVE? This blog is not on ‘relationship’ and I am not digressing from the purpose for which it has been made neither, but as human beings we are very prepared and ready to go whatever dimension to get solution to whatever bothering we have; it is our nature. Who knows where someone might end up in the bid to understand someone’s love for him/her? And so, I have by divine guidance been given this to write as an interim reply.

“God is love.” – (1 John 4:16) This thought is the key to God’s purpose in creation.  If love is characterized by any one attribute, that attribute is the desire and necessity of giving. God is love; God must give. So God created us so he can give to us. When we say we love someone we are expected to give to that person irrespective of the situations at hand. Someone who sees giving to you his/her responsibility is the one who truly loves you. See our parents, they love us unconditionally like the almighty God does. That is Love! For someone to profess so much love for you, and you are looking for traits to ascertain its authenticity, as to whether it isn’t by word of mouth intended to lead you astray, first and foremost, you must be able to read all the attributes of God, who is love, from the actions of the person. God did not just tell us he loves us, he proved with creation and further with the death of Christ on the cross for us, and many more – all are free gifts. Remember, we have been created in the image of God.

Love in itself is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthian 13:4-7)

Beware, not all gifts are out of Love, some have deadly intents behind them. Read more of the Bible for much more traits of love. This is just a teaser. The main post, ‘The alphabetic attributes of God’, is coming up pretty soon. Keep watch!